Hal Pictures Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!: September 2006

Green Lantern Butt's FOREVER!

Now with Guy Gardner's Seal of Approval!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Guy Gardner, the DCU's Shitkicker

Guy Pictures

This as you all know, is the cover to Guy Gardner's first appearance in Green Lantern. Frankly I think that it sums up his character rather neatly...especially when you consider, that at this point in time, Guy was NOT the ballbusting, wise-cracking, Jordan-torturning and all-around fun guy that we all know and love. No, he was a rather nice young gym teacher from Baltimore, who was apparently just as qualified to be a Green Lantern as Hal Jordan, but happened to live farther away when Abin Sur crashed on Earth. At the time I believe this was a one shot kind of story, the writer and editors certainly had no idea what they were unleashing upon the world. And yet somehow, all of Guy's attitude is magnificently displayed in that cover. Astride Hal Jordan's recumbant form, evil grin on his face, and No mask because Guy Gardner doesn't NEED a mask dammit!

Which brings me to another point. There is a great interview of Geoff Johns at Newsarama, in which he discusses Green Lanterns and such. He even stands up for Guy, saying that Superboy Prime would NEVER escape on Guy's watch, 'cause Guy is just too cool, or words to that effect. He also apologized for the lateness of the books and how they were working to get them back on schedule. This of course led to a great deal of frenzied speculation on the message boards, with various opinions being aired. While I would love to have Green Lantern on a regular monthly schedule, and get rather cranky when it isn't in, I would on the other hand, prefer to keep Mr. Johns and Ivan Reis as a team and just suck it up because they are so
damned GOOD! On the other hand, I can understand the disappointment of going into the comic book store and not getting what you expect...which is an issue of Green Lantern. Therefore, I have come up with what I consider to be a reasonable solution. I don't necessarily want fill-in issues by a different writer or artist, because that can alter the flow of the story. What I would like to see instead, are perhaps reprints of some of the best of the old stories as a filler. A lot of the old stories are either too expensive or too difficult to find, wouldn't it be nice to have Guy's origin story, or Hal's or John's, or even Kyle's, maybe with a short original story at the end, like the origins in 52? How about Katma Tui's first appearance, or Kilowog's or Salakk's? DC already has the stories, I don't think that it would be too difficult to reprint them whenever the regular book is running late. Any thoughts?

Friday, September 22, 2006

Marvel's Civil War

Well...I WAS going to have some more Green Lantern goodness, but after reading the latest issue of Civil War, I am too depressed for words. You see, Thor was my very first comic book love, and I HATE what they have done to him. I just don't understand what Marvel thinks that they are going to accomplish with this crossover, other than the total destruction of some forty years of continuity. Suddenly half of the heroes are self-indulget obnoxious pricks, th eother half are fanatics, and the only winners in the whole sorry mess seems to be the bad guys.
What I really don't understand is the the "general public" of the Marvel Universe is supposed to be wholeheartedly behind the idea of super-hero registration. And this includes the real heroes being turned into outlaws, and the real villains being brought in to "help" the pro-registration side? Really, is the average man or woman on the street supposed to be thrilled that BULLSEYE is helping out Iron Man?
The idea that Reed Richards whom I have always been rather fond of, is suddenly a cold-hearted, unethical, self-absorbed total JERK is depressing. The only redeeming feature of this issue is that Sue finally sees the light and leaves him. I wonder if he'll even notice. I also don't see any way on earth that they can redeem Tony Stark after all the crap that he is spouting. Wow, he paid for Goliath's funeral. What a prince! And the justification for all of this? So that some Mom can hand him her kid's toy Iron Man. Whoo boy, that some motivation! So what if you are trying to kill most of your best friends! Some dopy kid bought a plastic replica of ME! I'm just fabulous! ARRGGHHH!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

If you love Green Lanterns, then find this book!

Seriously. I am referring to Green Lantern #13, from Volumne II, not the latest issue (although that is great as well). This one came out in June of 1991 and is a
DOUBLE-SIZED SPECTACULAR! It is written by Gerard Jones, with a variety of artists; M.D. Bright, Romeo Tanghal, Joe Staton, Bruce Patterson and Pat Broderick. It consists of three stories that all come together in the end, and it frankly is a whole lot of fun.

First, you have the Guardians back from their year of making whoopie with their "female counterparts". They are rebuilding the shattered battery, and trying to get the corps up and running again. Guy Gardner is the Lantern of Earth, Hal Jordan is out on recruiting duty, and John Stewart is trying to take care of the Mosaic. This also takes place right after the equally fabulous story of "A Guy and his Gnort" which I will cover eventually.

So Guy is back on earth, but feeling a little restless. He tries to get some therapy by pummelling Kilowog, but Kilowog knows that his heart isn't in it and gets Guy to open up. Turns out that Guy is having second feelings about dumping Gnort, the doglike fack Green Lantern. Gnort has a terrible crush on Guy, and actually helped save the day when Guy was fighting the Qwardians a couple of issues back. Kilowog is just stunned that Guy would actually consider doing something nice for someone, and tries to talk him out of it. Guy starts to get pissed, and flies off to pick up Gnort and take him to Oa. On the way however, Gnort gives Guy his old bone that he's had since he was a puppy, and now Guy is even more torn.
Meanwhile, Hal is manipulat...oops, TRAINING some of his new recruits. He's got
Chaselon, Larvoxx and Brik. Brik is rather fun, she of course has a crush on Hal, but he's not too responsive, since she isn't portrayed in typical super-heroine fashion. Anyway, they manage to defeat the Qwardians and learn a little about teamwork along the way.
Meanwhile...John Stewart is trying to keep the various groups on the Mosaic from killing each other,and also trying to convince the Guardians to stop screwing around and actually send these poor people home. The Guardians manage to dance around the questions quite neatly.
And we finally come to my favorite part of the book. Guy and Gnort have met up with Hal and his recruits, and start bickering as usual. John is looking rather grim, until he hears Hal and Guy's priceless dialogue, and starts to cheer up.
Guy says, "I mean, when you said "She" I was hyped for a babe. If you're gonna recruit a female, recruit a FEMALE! You know what I mean?"
Hal replies, "Save it, Guy".
John looks up with a smile on his face.
Guy says, "I mean, an UGLY super-heroine! It's unheard of!"
Hal retorts, "Save it, Guy. I'm not the one with the DOG!"
And so on and so forth. It's a rather fun moment, showing the cameraderie between the three of them. It is also about the last time it shows up, because shortly Hal starts to be more and more influenced by Parallax.
It is also the source for this picture:

Guy pictures

Aaaawwwww! So Hal flies up to get his recruits, and Guy has the task of trying to tell the Guardians that he wants them to make Gnort a REAL Lantern, which is just
hysterical, because he practically has to hit himself to make the words come out. There is a moment of stunned silence as the Guardians absorb what he's trying to say...and then they burst into laughter, and GO ALONG WITH IT! Of course they have to put their twist on things, and assign Gnort to be Guy's assistant on earth. Kilowog, John and Hal are just stunned. They've NEVER seen the Guardians laugh and don't quite know what to make of it. But the book ends with everybody charging up their rings and posing nicely.
There wasn't a whole lot of fighting or explosions in this issue,but it is just fun to read for all the character development going on. Find this book and read it. You won't be disappointed.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The whole Hal vs Kyle controversy

You know...I've never been able to really understand this whole idea, the concept thatif you were a Hal Jordan fan, you were automatically the enemy of Kyle Rayner and vice versa. I mean, I like Hal, I've always liked Hal, even though I frequently want to slap him. He's heroic and stupid, graceful and clumsy, an arrogant jerk and
a pretty pretty man, but all things considered, he's an amazing character.
Conversely, how on earth can you not like Kyle Rayner? He's just adorable and I heartily concur with both Kalinara and Ragnell...he's got one amazing behind. But he's rather sweet and rather charming, and boy does he work hard at being a better hero. So why all the hate? I am a GREEN LANTERN fan. I love the entire concept of Cops in SPAAAAACE. I love ALL of the characters. I have a peculiar crush on Kilowog for heaven's sake. Guy Gardner is just sensational, John is the steady and sensible one, Salakk is just cool, and they just brought back Arisia, Boodika, Graf Toren and Ke'hann, not to mention a passel of others.

So...I hereby declare the war to be over. No more whining on mesage boards and sniping at each other. Drink your milk and cookies and sit down and read your books. You'll all feel so much better.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Look! Some actual Green Lantern rear ends

In the spirit of the name of this particular blog, I thought that I'd actually post a few pictures, of some of my favorite Lantern's...best feature. Heh heh. As you can see, this is a rather nice group shot, showing off a variety of assets.

Green Lanterns

And here is one with Kyle making a splendid gesture...!

Kyle pictures

Here's one for the Stewart fans.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

And finally a very silly one for the Guy Gardner aficionados.

Guy pictures

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Green Lantern Corps #4

Ohhhh, I don't know if I have the intellectual range to describe the sheer lunacy of
this concept. Guy Gardner, is as you may have realized, is my favorite Green Lantern, but I have to admit that taking one of the most powerful weapons in the Universe and LOCKING IT UP IN A HOTEL SAFE is mindbogglingly stupid. Guy, this is stupid on the level of Hal Jordan getting hit in the head stupid. But darned entertaining!
Guy has finally gotten his much-desired shore leave, and is whooping it up with several delectible young ladies on a tropical beach, slurping down hightly alcoholic cocktails and in general having a good time. Such a good time, that he can't be bothered to investigate the crash of some spacecraft in the immediate vicinity. Of course it is the inimitable Bolphunga, out seeking revenge for the insults heaped upon him by the aforesaid Guy the Gardner. Well, Guy confronts him, ringless and all, and manages pretty well all things considered. And, in proper dudgeon, he voices his distaste and screams for the Manager, in what I find to be the funniest
line in the whole issue. Hey, if some crazed intergalactic bounty hunter messed up my vacation, you better believe I'd be yelling for the Manager as well.
Bolphunga destroys one of the little Tiger Girls, leading to the discovery that l) they are actually Androids, and 2) they were in on it! I think that the fact that he was about to have wild poontang with a bunch of androids is more disconcerting to Mr. Gardner than the realization that they were in on the plot. And finally, to finish it all off, the manager finally gets the safe open (after it had mysteriously been reconfigured) and lo and behold the ring is gone! Well crap in a hat.
There are some other subplots going on as well. Soranik Natu goes to Myrrt's parents to break the bad news, and it was both sad and heartwarming, and quite well-done. I found the other plot with Vath and Isamot to be rather less interesting, although it could be funny on another level. Poor Isamot...fight or have sex? The super-heroic thing to do is to fight, but the natural impulse for just about any member of the male species is of course...to have sex first! What oh what will it be?
Anyway...I have been enjoying this series from the start, and it is only getting better.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Thoughts on Green Lantern #13

Well...I finally read it and I am both enraptured and enraged at the same time. Magnificent art, and story, strong dialogue and interesting plot twists galore. And yet...How the heck does Guy end up getting punished while Hal flies merrily back to earth without even a slap on the wrist? Arrrghhh!
Here is my re-working of Hal's thoughts as the action commences!

"ALL of these Green Lanterns are supposed to be dead." Oops...guess poor ol' Kreon really IS dead. Boy Boodikka seems really really pissed for some reason. Hmmph, women.
"Ke'haan's leading the others. Boodikka's joining them. Gives me a chance to get back to Arisia" HooHah just lookit Arisia! Wow, she's really filling out that costume! Oops again, now that creep Henshaw has her. Dammit.

"Henshaw's metal laughter ECHOES in the halls. This WAS about making ATONEMENT. Now it's about something else. It's about bringing Arisia HOME." 'Cause oh baby, if she's still alive, then this little pilot will finally be getting some! Screw those other Lanterns and their cranky attitudes! Geez Henshaw just won't shut up, keeps babbleing about the Guardians and their secrets...rrrrrrowrr! Arisia, baby! Oops again, better get Guy and the other Lanterns out of here...it's HERO time!

"Make you a DEAL then. I don't make it out. You can have my little black book. The one with the HOME numbers. Even POWER GIRL'S" Gosh Guy is so dumb...like I'll really give him that book. Sucker.

"Oa. Citadel of the Guardians" Guy is sucking it up and covering for me to the little blue smurfs. So THAT worked out well. Guess I'd better chime in and give them some of my patented brilliant Jordan advice on how to deal with this mess.

"The cheers echo through the citadel. I can't help but follow them" Blah blah blah, there's Laira and Graf and Ke'haan. Wow, there's Arisia looking better than ever! Ke'haan seems a bit pissed for some reason, but I'm not really paying much attention. Whoa, got kissed by a hot alien babe! Gosh but it's fun to be me! Guess I'll just fly back home to earth now, where everyone will be so very very glad to see me!

Guess we're in for a little surprise next issue eh?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Gosh, it's finally Wednesday

Happy happy, joy,joy, it is finally Wednesday, and Green Lantern #13 is due! I am
counting the minutes, since it has been a solid TWO MONTHS since I last had my fix
of Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis's chocolaty goodness. Will all the lost Lanterns come
back? Will they fix Hank Henshaw's little red wagon? Will Arisia hug Guy instead of
Hal? The possibilities are endless! I should probably stop speculating, and actually go out and read the darn thing.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

What can Brown do for You?

I TELL you what Brown can do! Hoohah! My darling UPS man just showed up with a crapload of comics that I ordered on-line, and I have all afternoon to sit around and read them. A comicgasm! So...don't expect much in the way of witty banter today, can't write...reading!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Ok...Hal's dead, let's drink beer!

Soooooo...I was just reading Green Lantern #82, where Kyle, Guy, John and Alan all
hang out at Warriors and get bombed while telling the newbie lies about how wonderful
Hal was and how much they all looooved him. Well that's not true, actually it was
a pretty nice issue, and I enjoyed the interaction between an awestruck Kyle and the
other ex-Lanterns. See, Kyle is just so darned cute and sweet, and they can't help
themselves. Guy and John are actually sitting in a booth without trying to kill each other! Guy says nice things about Hal! Alan is afraid of his wife! It just gets better and better.

I actually enjoy this premise, and therefore was delighted to come across "Green Lantern: 80-page Giant", which shows both Hal and Kyle on the cover and smaller
inserts of Alan, John and Guy. The idea is mostly the same, all the guys meet at
Warriors and tell stories. A couple of goons are trying to break into the back door
of Warriors so that they can steal the memorabilia, but are scared off by Alan, and
Guy brings in the beer. Except...Kyle isn't there this time, he's fooling around
in space somewhere. So...what to do? Screw Kyle...let's get drunk and play
ping pong! Hee hee. Well, they don't actually say that, but wouldn't it have been
funny if they did? They decide that they don't actually NEED Kyle to justify sitting around and telling war stories, so of course they proceed to do just that.

There are some rather nice short stories, but my all-time favorite is the Warrior
story by none other than Beau Smith and Mitch Byrd. Guy has to go off and save some
hapless natives on Hogarth from the invading Motarians, except that he got caught up
in watching an "A-Team" marathon and forgot to charge his ring. The Hogarth natives
aren't particularly impressed, and keep making snide comments about getting a REAL
Green Lantern, while the Motarians are of course beating the crap out of him.
Nevertheless, in his usual inimitable fashion, Guy manages to come out on top, sans
ring and save the day. Even better, he manages to shred most of his uniform along
the way which is always a treat.

Wouldn't it be nice if DC decided to publish more of these?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Please be Gentle

This is my first entry on my brand-spanking new blog. This all started out because
I wanted one of those little avatar thingies, so my 15-year old daughter came to my
rescue and now I am in possession of a blog apparently. I've also been spending my
mornings drinking tea and going through most of the other comic book blogs and
snickering and/or agreeing with them and enjoying myself thoroughly. So please...
be gentle, this is my first blog and my first entry and I really haven't the foggiest idea of what I am doing.

As you may have guessed from the title, I enjoy comic books. A LOT. I've been
reading and collecting them since I was 15, and I'm 48 now, so do the math. Fortunately, I live in a very large old brick victorian with lots and lots of rooms,
so I have a room devoted just to the storage and reading of my comic books. Haw! I
have also discovered after many years and baking fresh cookies for my pusher...ahem
comic book store owner...will get you the good covers.

So...on to Green Lanterns. I love them all and have been sitting and learning at the
feet of the immortal Ragnell and kalinara for some time now. Go visit Zamaron. It's
a really good site. If I knew how to link, I would, but I don't. Guy Gardner is
my favorite, followed by Kilowog, Hal, Kyle, John and Alan. I also have a wierd
fondness for Ch'p, and hope that he is resurrected soon. I've been waiting two
months now for the next issue of Green Lantern #13, by Geoff Johns and Ivan Reis,
and the suspense is about to kill me. Check it out, it is awesome.

Thanks for letting me blather on and on and please...be gentle.